Well I will start out by telling you that this story is hard for me because I didn’t know my father and was abandoned by him at birth. I always thought when I was little that someday I would meet my dad, and that we would be reunited, and I held on to that hope for almost 20 years.

My Grandma Mary had told me that she didn’t know who my father was, when she really did all along. One day I was sitting at home with my three children at the age of 23, and my aunt Debbie called me and said, “Missy, your dad is on the cover of the Tulsa World magazine if you want to see what he looks like, go get the newspaper.” I rushed to the nearest convenience store and got the newspaper and just stared at his face. He looked so much like my middle son it was an almost uncanny resemblance. I stared at his face and read the whole article.  The article was about my dad being Tulsa’s second most mysterious missing person.  I reached out to the Tulsa World and ask them to reunite me with my biological grandparents, which they said that they would do for me, and that they could give my grandparents my phone number. The article spoke of my other grandma, Ron’s mother, Laverne. Oh, I was so happy through the hurt, I found my family !!!! I just knew she had been searching for me all these years, or didn’t know I existed! I was overwhelmed with excitement to know her! It took two whole weeks for my biological grandma, Ron’s mother, to reach out to me. TWO WEEKS!!! I was mad and I was hurt that she even waited 2 weeks and so yet again I felt worthless.

The topic of the newspaper was Tulsa’s 10 most missing mystery missing people and my dad is rated number two. I didn’t even know my dad had been murdered when I was 9.  All these years, It was kept from me. All those years of waiting and longing for a dad would never happen.I was so- I dont know, angry, bitter, hurt, EVERYTHING!!! How dare my grandma and how dare his family be so selfish! I didn’t ask to be born in the first place and to take my little girls hopes and dreams and just let her hang on to something false to me, was unforgivable.

So, FINALLY my grandma Laverne reached out to me AND, she wasn’t very happy that I had found her, I know his because she told me. She wasn’t kind to me on the phone, she wasn’t excited, nothing -zilch. She was polite and that was it. I was bawling my eyes out over the phone and she said nothing. Nothing kind, nothing nurturing, she just sat there.  She didn’t mind the spotlight being in the Tulsa World newspaper and she was at least willing to meet me and let them do a story on us.  She had me to come over a few times and then the newspaper reporter met with us on one occasion to do a story about our reunion. My grandmother was very elegant, very sophisticated, and very classy. She lived in a beautiful home and had beautiful furnishings and nice things. Things that I never had growing up. So when it came down to telling the story about my dad she told me that they paid my grandmother $5,000 to keep me a secret because they did not want Ronald to go to jail for raping a minor, my mom, and they also didn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t know which hurts worse, the knife going in or, the knife being twisted. I was never wanted by the people I NEEDED to want me the most!!!. I was a mistake. Not my mom, not my dad, my grandmother was forced to raise me, and now not even my biological grandparents wanted me. I was a messed up woman. Abandoned and crushed.

About a month later she decided to introduce me to my brothers who didn’t know that they had a sister. This whole time, our whole childhood lives, we lived just TWO BLOCKS from each other. Just another reason for me to be mad. They robbed me of a family I so desperately longed for.  The boys were shocked and a little shy when they met me. I’ll never forget how precious their faces were to me and how young they were. They are the cutest most handsome brothers on the earth. (I’ll have another blog about our story, it’s not pretty either). My grandma Laverne passed away a few years ago. She left money to all of Ron’s kids, but not me. I wasn’t even worth a red cent to her. Again, I was more bitter than EVER! HURT! REJECTED!

So the story that I got from the homicide division was that there was blood found in a hotel room in Arkansas that matched my dad’s blood and that is where they found his glasses and wallet.  There was also a van in a home in east Tulsa that also had blood which matched my dad, but there was no body. My step-mom who has recently passed away said that she had an idea of who killed my father and had sneaked into the killers house and was going through the van and saw the blood. When they came home she laid under the van for four hours until they left again. My step-mom Vicky passed the polygraph test stating that she didn’t know anything about the murders which exonerated her from being any type of witness or involved in any way. My father was mixed up with the Mexican Mafia which is pretty big here in Tulsa. According to my step-mom, my dad was going to take, I will just say a lot of money and drop it off, and then pick up the drugs. He ended up taking both and trying to run. Apparently they caught up with him and there’s never been a body found.

George Bush when he was in office, gave my family $100,000 in a grant to do a DNA mouth swab. So my brother and I went and had our mouth swabbed to see if the DNA matched anybody in the Dallas DNA Data Bank. Unfortunately it came up negative there were no missing bodies that matched our DNA. So to this day my father has never been found. His case still remains an open cold case. I go and visit the detective every couple of years and this month he said something so profound and healing to me, so I wanted to share it.

He said, “Right now I’m going to speak to you like a father from the Father (God). Michelle, you don’t need closure from this case, you don’t need to look at any records because he is in heaven. You’re closure is that you will meet him someday because God is a good God, and God wants you to live a full life. I love you, we all do, but we see your hurt and today that hurt ends. Today, starts a case closed day for you in your heart.”

I mean wow!!! Do you know that’s all it took, one tiny bit of God and His reassurance that I could move on in life. I could finally let go of my dad, his parents, and my grandma. I’ve released all this burden that I have carried for 38 years, FINALLY. Do I still ache, yes. Am I through healing, not yet. But I will be. All I know is that God has accepted me into His kingdom and I’m an heir to His throne. I am loved and adored, He will never abandon me EVER. He is healing me with His tender mercy and grace. I’ve finally been adopted by the best Dad in the universe! And that my friends is why I hope, why I continue to want to be alive, and why I know that I’m here on purpose because I have a purpose and God is not finished with me yet!!!

You can google the story about my dad. Ron Shelley murder Tulsa. Maybe even the story published about me will show up. One day when I have time, I will post archives. If you know anything about this murder, please come forward. The Charley Project (my fathers information). …..next the story of my mom.

My favorite song to my dad in heaven and my Father in heaven. Enjoy this precious emotionally charged song.

We Dance – Steffany Frizzell

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